Searching for Facebook Privacy

I love Facebook. I think it's an amazingly effective way of being present with long-distance or rarely seen friends. Still, figuring out the right balance of privacy and openness is not at all simple. But I've done some research into the various possible options and thought I had adjusted my settings to a comfortable degree.

The other day, however, I happened to land on the Public Listing that Facebook creates for me by default, and I wasn't that pleased. It listed a number of my friends as well as the pages that I am a fan of.



(To see what your public Facebook listing looks like, type "<your facebook name> site:facebook.com" into Google and sift through the rest of the people who share your name until you find your listing.)

I'm not really keen on there being a public file of my friends. And what if my friends don't want to be seen on Facebook? And I'm not really that interested in showing the world every page that I choose to be a fan of on Facebook. I like Facebook because it allows some amount of privacy... so to have it displayed out on Google like that was a bit disconcerting. (And I am not unaware of the irony of posting that public listing that I don't like on my public blog. So I've blurred out my friends and really I don't care that much about the fan pages, it's just not right that they should be public.)

That said, I don't want there to be nothing. If an old friend wants to find me, I'd like them to see that I exist, even with my silly photo with the chickens. And I'm happy for them to be able to send me a message or friend me.

To control what appears in your public Facebook listing, log into Facebook and choose Privacy Settings from the Settings menu that appears near your name at the top of the window:



Now click Search on the page that appears:



You'll then see a series of options. The first section determines who can find you when they are logged into Facebook. If you want to hide yourself from people already on Facebook, you'll want to adjust this option.

But the second and third sections deal with your Public Listing.



In the second section, I leave "My profile picture" checked, because I want it to be included in my public listing so that people can tell if I'm the Liz Castro they want.

I uncheck "My friends list" because I don't think this needs to be public information, and I'm not at all sure that my friends want it to be public information.

I leave both "A link to add me as a friend" and "A link to send me a message" checked, to facilitate people getting in touch with me.

I uncheck "Pages that I am a fan of" because again, I don't think this needs to be public information.

Finally, I leave "Create a public search listing for me..." checked because I do want friends to be able to find me.

Now my public listing looks like this:



That's much better.

(Just an aside. I use Facebook strictly for people I already know. If you're interested in knowing what I'm up to but don't know me personally, I'd rather you follow my Twitter stream.)

Facebook, Barcelona, and Old Friends

It feels like forever ago since I got this link and read the article but it turns out it was only a few days. It's been on my mind. Every time we come to Barcelona (ok, and when we're in the US too, but perhaps less, because it feels slightly less intentional) I have to figure out what we're doing here. I mean, mostly I know this. We come to see friends, to surround the kids with cousins and Catalan, but above all, we come to maintain the connection with the people here we love. It's both exciting and exhausting to plan these full weekends of concentrated conversations that usually happen only once a year.

And it makes me wish they were all on Facebook so that I could have a little more of the boring middle time with them.

There was a time that my sister and I could barely get together without arguing. And so we started trying to work things out and we would have these huge long discussions practically every time we saw each other and it was so exhausting and we never got anywhere and I said I had to stop. That I needed some regular time with her. That we needed to have some time where we didn't fight, even if we were papering over, temporarily, the hard stuff between us. Let's just pretend to like each other for a while, I said, (because really we do but we can't remember it) and do something insignificant, like a movie or bowling or whatever, and then maybe we can build from that tiny, unimportant, but real connection instead of building a meaningful relationship out of heavy conversations about meaningful relationships.

Because the hardest part about being in Barcelona is suddenly appearing here, into people's lives.

I remember this in the reverse when I lived here and made visits home. It's fun for about two minutes being the celebrity and then I just want to be normal and have regular conversations with my friends. And I don't want every conversation to have to be so loaded. If you could only have one conversation, what would you talk about? Acks! I don't want small talk either, that sort of generic filler you could have with someone you don't know, but especially from here, I can really see the value of seemingly insignificant (Facebook facilitated) connections that can form the backdrop if not the foundation for the great conversations.

Is the problem trying to live these two different lives? Probably. But I don't know how to give up either one, or even if giving up either one is an option. I think about living here and I love the thought of it. I really do. But I don't know how I could not be at home. That's been my dilemma for half my life now.

I wish my grandma was on Facebook

Sept 12/86

Dear Liz

Hello and hope you are in the very best of health as for us we are doing just great at present.

Liz, am sending you the negatives from the pictures you took. They came out very nice. Thanks. Sorry I forgot to send it back. But you were away and then we have been busy with the Golden Agers. We have some real nice trips for them.

In fact a week from this Saturday we are taking 30 people to Hawaii for nine days and eight nights for $875. Not bad. Grandpa goes for nothing but I pay $775. It's still not bad for the two of us with some dinners and shows plus breakfast and the tour plus the airline. Boy I am glad we took this group job. It fits Grandpa and I really love it.

And when we come back we are taking a busload to Reno on the 7th and 8th of Oct. When we come back we are taking 20 persons to Epcot for eight days.

How was your Spain trip? Your Dad told me you were home and got a job. That is beautiful. best of luck and God bless you darling. We love you. Adios my dear Liz.

Love,
Grandpa and Grandma Rose Castro

Am sending you a good recipe for a custard pie. Try it you will love it. And put some cream on top (WOW) (WOW). Let me know if you make it.

---

Oct 16 1986

Dear Elizabeth:

Hello and hope you are doing OK. As for us we are just great at present.

Liz, how is the teaching? Are you teaching young or over 16 years old kids? Have not heard since you went to Spain. So I gather you must be more than busy. We are busy ourselves these days. We love this job we got with the Golden Agers. As a matter of fact we are leaving for Orlando, Florida this Saturday 18th at 530am in the morning from in fromt of the City Hall. We are taking 18 persons. We are looking forward to this nice trip.

Liz, did you get the card from Hawaii? I can't go anywhere and don't send my darlings a card so you know that I am thinking of you. I love you too much to forget my darlings.

Hope to see you sometime again. Will close for now. Adios my darling, keep well.

Love you,

Grandpa said I write everything so I don't leave anything for him. Ha ha for him.

love,
Grandma Rose and Grandpa John Castro

My Grandma Rose wrote me a letter almost every week of my life. I saved them all, even though practically every one focused on the most day-to-day details of her life: where they were going on a trip, who was visiting, who they were going to visit, if they were sick or healthy, what recipes she had tried. But it didn't matter that there was no (overt) philosophy or deeper discussions, what those letters offered was a portrait of my grandmother (and a glimpse of my grandpa). I loved getting them, and I cherish having them still.

I've been thinking about them today after an interesting conversation I had with some friends last night about Facebook and why anyone should bother with it. I've only been on Facebook a week, but I mentioned that I've really been enjoying reading about the absolutely mundane things my friends are posting about: impending visits, weather reports, illness--precisely the same things my grandma wrote about.

It makes me think, also, of The Midwife's Tale: The Life of Martha Ballard, Based on Her Diary, 1785-1812, by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. Martha Ballard was a midwife in New England at the turn of the 19th century who wrote in her journal every single day for 27 years. Sometimes her posts (!) were limited to weather reports, other times she detailed a difficult birth or a community gathering. But she was relentlessly steadfast, and the sheer regularity of her posts offer an almost complete description of herself and a thorough depiction of her life and of those who lived in her community. Had she lived in our time, she would have had a blog for sure.

Why did Martha Ballard write every day? Why did my Grandma or my friends on Facebook? Why do I write this blog? And perhaps more importantly, why do we all write about such trivial details? This ties in with so many other thoughts about my life... the fact that I spend such a huge amount of time creating things that are much more easily bought (pork chops and pajamas come to mind). Or plowing the driveway, or planting a garden. Why spend time on these little things? I think because they are the essence of life. They are life. So, I think that's why it makes sense that I am interested in hearing about these things when my friends do them. It gives me a fuller picture of who they are to know that today they slept in but yesterday they took their daughter to see The Tale of Despereaux.

I only wish my grandma were still around so I could teach her how to update her status on Facebook.